Apologies To The World

Except Russia

Dear World (except Russia):

Please don’t take it out on us. We understand your feelings. We despise Donald Trump, too, and realize he’s no doubt been farting, picking his nose, and speaking in an offensive manner, if not actually, Lord help us, grabbing your gentlewomen by their lady parts.

We, too, find his conduct completely unacceptable.

Iran, we’re sorry he just up and killed one of your leaders. As you know, that is not how we normally conduct business so please accept our apologies on…