Dude, It Just Didn’t Work Out
You putrid pieces of shit actually attacked the US Capitol with your flagpoles, bats, and tasers? What century do you think this is? What were you thinking? Can you even think? You are now traitors who should be hung. To the world you will be known as domestic terrorists or maybe just dumb rednecks. Either way, not good. You know?
Did you join in the rebel yell as you ran into our seat of government? Probably. You all should have worn those signs Jeff Foxworthy talks about — all of you know Jeff, right?
Remember the “I’m Stupid” signs he says people like you should wear? Here’s your sign. Oh, wait. No one will mistake you for someone with a brain. We see how dumb you are by your actions.
The deficiencies in our educational systems have finally caught up with us — and you are the irrefutable sad proof. Can you spell democracy? Have you ever read the Constitution?
Did you think you could attack the Capitol, destroy windows, tear up stuff, crush and beat police officers, and shoot selfies of your insurgent mugs — and then just go home and watch the mayhem on your big screen TV? You killed a police officer, you maniacs. There’s no free shot when it comes to killing a law enforcement officer. There’s a price to be paid.
Did you people even know there’s a pandemic? Maybe you caught COVID. You probably left bedbugs in the Washington hotels and tried to warm grits on the heaters.
At least you got the attention you wanted. It was your proud moment. There you were in all your glory with your MAGA hats. You know what? I heard MAGA means “My Ass Got Arrested.”
You caught the attention of the big boys and girls. The FBI, NSA, HSA, and all the rest of the scary alphabet agencies noticed you. And they will hunt you down, round you up, and lock you up. You have activated the “deep state” you’ve been yelling about and it is the giant miles-deep bureaucracy of federal law enforcement. They will know everything about you. They will document stuff about you that you’ve forgotten. You will have no secrets.
And they don’t like you. You’re causing a lot of work for them. And your organ-grinding, instigating leader was disastrous to their careers and those of their friends. They’ve had four years of hell compliments of your side.
They will keep their jobs (unlike some of you) and show they’re loyal to the nation and the new administration. They are anxious to prove it and getting you will help. The gears are turning, the machine is awakening. It may creak, but it will crush you. You better hope you paid your taxes and never cheated.
They’re coming for you, traitors. It was so helpful of you to spread your ugly mugs all over social media. Another smart move by inept insurrectionists.
You tried to negate the votes of 81 million people who are not on your side. They are the majority. The majority rules and you decided to rise up against the majority. You tried to deny the will of the people. People don’t like that, and they don’t like your insane Cheeto leader.
Have you noticed even some of your best buddies are really, really quiet right now? Are they going with you to battle the USA? Are your cop friends calling wanting to get their pictures taken with you? No? Go figure. I guess they want to keep their jobs. Associating with cultist insurgents is bad for police careers.
You’ll go down in history, though. Isn’t that exciting? Unfortunately, you’re going to be memorialized as dumbasses on an idiot mission. Your coup attempt was a colossal failure. But people died. See, that’s a problem.
When the shock and sadness of being attacked by our own citizens wears off a little, the comedians are going to have a field day with you. Right now, you aren’t funny. You’re just kind of pitiful. You, your third cousin, and your grandpa’s wife on your mother’s side were going to take down the Capitol and capture congress?
Dude, what were you thinking?
Has it occurred to you they’re just using minor charges to round you up and get you in the system? And I mean The System. Then they can add more serious charges as your buddies turn on you just like your orange hero did.
You attacked the United States of America.
And every authority in this country will know that the moment they have contact with you. You don’t get a pass. And those of you who served in the military or are serving in law enforcement? You’re not just traitors to your country but to your profession and your oaths. I hope the highest penalties are for you — you who should have known better. You are supposedly familiar and on speaking terms with the U. S. Constitution.
I notice your pals in the ranks aren’t saying much these days. Facebook is pretty quiet. It looks like you don’t have much support. Insurgency has a price and I’d wager you’re going to pay it. To the max.
Did you realize you took away your own guns? Yep. When you attack the country, they don’t let you have weapons anymore. You get a special classification as an enemy of the state. The state means our country, her government, and her people.
You attacked us for a rat fink who sold you out almost immediately.