Hi Marley,

Thanks for your comments on my response to your article. I am learning from you and I appreciate you taking time to answer.

I highlighted parts I found particularly interesting, true, relevant, etc.

By the way, I meant any black friend, not just one or anyone in particular. I know how stupid and racist it is when white people claim they can’t be racist because they have a black friend. I still hear people say that and it’s truly cringe-worthy.

I went through your responses with my husband and we both understood the points you made. I admit I felt misunderstood and a little offended at some of it, but you’re right, and I just need to get the hell over it.

I have no answers except that we have to keep trying to find ways to have conversations around the subject without, as you said, “eating each other alive.”

I do see the problem with my statement that there are also poor white people….blah, blah. It is a fallacy. You are right that a poor white person is not in as horrid a situation as poor black person — and also reminded me that some poor white folks are Trump supporters who hate black people.

My husband and I travel around the country quite a bit and a few years ago we decided we couldn’t spend the night in Lexington, Kentucky, even though we’d planned to, because of all the pickup trucks gathering in downtown flying confederate flags. We were terribly uncomfortable in that town on a summer weekend night. I don’t even pretend to know what it would have been like to be black in the same situation. Very frightening, I’m sure, but much more than that, too. Sad. Sickened.

I’m a nonviolent person but the urge to do something to stop those damned people was so strong. We left instead, but I can’t remember the place as anything other than a racist hub.

Anyway, just as you’re stuck being black, I also cannot help being white. You did a good job opening my mind wider to see my mostly unconscious desire, and ultimate inability, to just blame “those other White people”,

We must keep working on it individually and as individuals, too, as you said. I understand and agree.

Thank you for taking the time to respond so thoroughly. I definitely learned from your comments.



Former print journalist, former mayor, retired law enforcement officer. Writing about politics and government along with random personal essays.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store