Why is Everybody Going Naked?

Just when I sag from my head to my knees, and my skin looks like crepe paper.

Carol Burt


Photo by dole777 on Unsplash

Have you noticed the styles the young women are wearing now? I wish we could have gone naked in summer and said it’s the style. I couldn’t have done it anyway, Momma would have whupped the dickens out of me. I don’t know who dickens was, but she was always going to whup him outta’ me.

My grandson’s girlfriend came to dinner the other night — to be fair she didn’t know we were inviting her to dinner — but I saw her navel wink at me just as she sat down at the table. Her navel! Her belly was bare at the dinner table. ‘Course hers is flat.

And the darling little doll is slim as can be. But. Her navel! I say. Maybe, I told my grandson, not come to dinner with your navel showing. The next day she was wearing a very modest skirt and traditional blouse. I felt like a heel.

Her shorts are short. Very short. And she looks absolutely adorable in them. I bet she weighs almost 100 lbs. And really, her short shorts and short shirts look cute on her. Partly because although she’s 18, she still looks like a little girl.

My grandson ought to hold on to her. She’s tiny, beautiful, and an amazingly talented artist.

But listen ya’ll, I’m no way saying all the young adults who go naked look good. If I see one more big girl proudly sticking her navel out at me as I shop, I may whisper to her. And the skinny, skinny ones, whose skin hangs off their bones. Yuck. I have crepe skin and I sag everywhere, so I know I wouldn’t be attractive in the new short shorts and short shirts they are wearing. I’m not body shaming. But, the loose tee shirts I wear that cover a lot of sins might be a better choice for some young ladies, too.

And boys with their butts hanging out. I’m not even going to go there. In my police car, if I saw one where the underwear was down too, I’d holler, “pull up your pants, your butt is showing.” Mostly they did it. Especially if I used the loudspeaker. Funny, they aren’t embarrassed to show their tail ends, but a cop yelling at them on the PA system embarrasses the hell outta’ ‘em.

Don’t even get me started on the old ones. We tried to follow a woman around the grocery store…



Carol Burt

Former print journalist, former mayor, retired law enforcement officer. Writing about politics and government along with random personal essays.